Do you have trouble getting up in the morning? Spend long hours lying in bed, unable to lift your own weight? You may be a victim of a broken leg. We can help!
No matter how crippling your condition, we’ve got the perfect set of crutches for you. Fully seasoned (definitely been used before), weather tested (they’ve been hanging out on our patio for about two years), I know those look like bloodstains but they’re actually birdshit, well-cushioned bars of steel, built to heal. These babies are the real deal! Not only are they fine examples of state-of-the-art crutch craftsmanship, but they’re antiques as well (they came with the apartment. We’ve considered carbon dating). And they can be yours.
Crutches.
What’s that, you’ve heard there’s more to the offer? That’s right Mama–these babies are ABSOLUTELY FREE! Lead free, gluten free, ad free, we’d make them hands free but that would defeat the purpose, and yours for only $9.99 + shipping & handling!! (Hidden costs not included. Promo not available at all locations. At least not any that you could get to).
But wait! Call now and we’ll include a second pair of crutches, at no additional cost. Why settle for just one pair, when you can have two? That’s right, two pairs of crutches. Charm the ladies with your swagger. Share a pair with the kids for full-throttle family fun. Recovering from surgery has never been so stylish. All this can be yours, and more: just give us your credit card info.
Second pair of crutches.
The word is on the street. These babies are so fly, you’re gonna wish your legs were broken all the time! Please don’t delay: supplies are limited, and can go fast. Unlike you.
Call today.
NV 3/10
(If this doesn’t make Best of Craigslist, I am kidnapping Craig’s first-born child. And would somebody please take these things off my patio.)
I laughed till I cried. This is amazing.